Chapter 336 Spring 2023 (1)
BJ is so big, but there's no place for my heart
This is the first post for 2023.
Since the 24th of the twelfth lunar month last year, I returned to my hometown in Cangzhou from BJ, and after the Chinese New Year, I returned to BJ on the eighth day of the first lunar month, and lived at home for nearly half a waking up from a nap at noon today, I thought I was at home in a trance, and wondered why there was no murmuring from my grandma in the next room, but the nerves in my brain were unconsciously looking forward to my mother's return from going out as soon as possible.
Since August 2022, during the past six months, I have become more and more dissatisfied with my work, life, and the city of sense of belonging, no sense of accomplishment, no passion and fighting spirit of the in the eyes of others, they envy my work, my freedom, my income, and those seemingly unlimited I know that I have actually been decadent for more than half a those things that others think are already good, in fact, these are not what I I want seems to be far away, like fishing for the moon in water, so the more I want to have it, the more difficult it is to have it, so that it forms a vicious circle and makes me feel helpless.
Every age has its worries and cravings. In June 2015, when I first came to BJ, my biggest desire was to have an iPhone 6 like at that time, I had just graduated, and my pockets were shy, and I was unwilling to ask my family for money to buy my vanity. I even felt that it was a shame to rely on the hard-earned money earned by my parents at home for my own I worked hard, worked hard to make money, and saved money from food and expenses. Later, I finally bought an Apple mobile phone with rich gold.
Some things, especially material things, as long as you pursue them hard, you can get them as long as you jump on that goal, and most of the final results can be some things, especially things that cannot be measured by material things, are often difficult to 's like you love someone very much, you have paid a lot for him, you have given him great tolerance and encouragement, you have been wronged a lot for him, and you have repeatedly backed also clearly knows that you love him very much and is very suitable for him, and he also obviously likes you very much, and it is very comfortable and comfortable to be with you, but you still are not together in the 's like you have a vast world in your heart and want to do something, but no matter how much you toss, you are still curled up in a cage, even though it is made of gold wire.
When we don't go home for the New Year, we all look forward to having a holiday early and going home for the New the new year is over, I have been at home for a long time, and I seem to be tired of this kind of life, I want to go back to the city where I work and live, but the next day after leaving home, I start to miss home again.
We are always like this, in the ups and downs of life, we always don't know what to one day, you will understand what Schopenhauer said, that a person's life is like a pendulum, which swings back and forth between boredom and pain every day, and its driving force is there are all kinds of desires in my heart, I pursue and approach one goal after another. When the goal is difficult to achieve, I feel overwhelmed with the goal is at your fingertips, you will feel bored in the world is probably like this.
It is said that in the new year, there must be a new don't know how I should start my new life in used to lie on the credit book of my past, fascinated by the glory of the also burned the ideal in my heart to explore every new movement in now, I don't know what to say. I am obviously uneasy about the status quo, but I am powerless to change want to change, but it is difficult to let 's like a job, one obviously doesn't like it, and even hates it, but it's hard to give up the comfort that this job can bring to 's like BJ, knowing that being here is not a long-term solution, but it is difficult to give up the high salary 's like one person, you both know the final result, but it's hard to let go of the deep-rooted relationship, and you can only cry in the end, hey, boo.
Because there are too many concerns, it is difficult to I couldn't bear to refuse, I was in a 's change and growth will eventually go through of whether the pain is caused by you or by others, whether it is a natural or man-made disaster, or untimely, or whether it is destined or forced by the current situation, these seem to be necessary in your life. You have to go through the robbery, because only after the robbery can you be reborn.
Although I am in BJ now, Kexin has nowhere to rest. BJ is so big, why can't he let go of my heart?Where is the once hot heart now?Are you still staying at home?Eager to accompany mother, stay in the gentle it in someone's heart?I miss the kindness people have treated me in the past, and I can't let flew into the distance?Went to a new city where it might have a place to live.
I can't help but think of what my mother said to me a few days ago, she said: I am old, already over 50 years old, I hope you will start a family early, get married and have children a few years, I am afraid that I will be too old, and I will not even be able to take care of my grandson in the I hear my mother's words, I feel very sad in my heart, and I am also eager to fulfill my mother's wish as soon as possible, which seems to be more important than anything there are thousands of people in the world, and there are also thousands of wishes. Some people want love, some people want family, some people want wealth, and some people want to realize their dreams.
But now, I seem to have gotten nothing, and all my wishes are ambiguous and unfulfilled.
I know that my life has fallen into a trough now, and no one can save alone have to bear the loneliness and loneliness of the next few days, the baptism of water and fire brought to me by the reality of being 31 years old, and the radical and reckless decisions that God made to me who was once lonely. Punishment, bear the difficult choice to change this unchanging life, endure your own psychological gap and the troubles that are coming one after another, and only then can you be reborn from Nirvana and slowly heal a result, when the spring is warm and the flowers are blooming, the serious illness is cured.
The new year is about to start again, and January 2023 is coming to an are still eleven months left, let us rewrite our destiny for this has been nearly eight years since I graduated and came to BJ in June 2015. During these eight years, I have experienced too many hardships and changes in relationships and now, I seem to know that those opponents who can't kill you will make you long as a person does not die, there will always be a bright day, no matter how long the night is, there will always be dawn.
For me, this year may be a new turning point in my next life, because this year, I will end all my past life and start to embark on a long journey.
Liu Haifeng
Monday, August 2023, 1
Yu BJ
(End of this chapter)
BJ is so big, but there's no place for my heart
This is the first post for 2023.
Since the 24th of the twelfth lunar month last year, I returned to my hometown in Cangzhou from BJ, and after the Chinese New Year, I returned to BJ on the eighth day of the first lunar month, and lived at home for nearly half a waking up from a nap at noon today, I thought I was at home in a trance, and wondered why there was no murmuring from my grandma in the next room, but the nerves in my brain were unconsciously looking forward to my mother's return from going out as soon as possible.
Since August 2022, during the past six months, I have become more and more dissatisfied with my work, life, and the city of sense of belonging, no sense of accomplishment, no passion and fighting spirit of the in the eyes of others, they envy my work, my freedom, my income, and those seemingly unlimited I know that I have actually been decadent for more than half a those things that others think are already good, in fact, these are not what I I want seems to be far away, like fishing for the moon in water, so the more I want to have it, the more difficult it is to have it, so that it forms a vicious circle and makes me feel helpless.
Every age has its worries and cravings. In June 2015, when I first came to BJ, my biggest desire was to have an iPhone 6 like at that time, I had just graduated, and my pockets were shy, and I was unwilling to ask my family for money to buy my vanity. I even felt that it was a shame to rely on the hard-earned money earned by my parents at home for my own I worked hard, worked hard to make money, and saved money from food and expenses. Later, I finally bought an Apple mobile phone with rich gold.
Some things, especially material things, as long as you pursue them hard, you can get them as long as you jump on that goal, and most of the final results can be some things, especially things that cannot be measured by material things, are often difficult to 's like you love someone very much, you have paid a lot for him, you have given him great tolerance and encouragement, you have been wronged a lot for him, and you have repeatedly backed also clearly knows that you love him very much and is very suitable for him, and he also obviously likes you very much, and it is very comfortable and comfortable to be with you, but you still are not together in the 's like you have a vast world in your heart and want to do something, but no matter how much you toss, you are still curled up in a cage, even though it is made of gold wire.
When we don't go home for the New Year, we all look forward to having a holiday early and going home for the New the new year is over, I have been at home for a long time, and I seem to be tired of this kind of life, I want to go back to the city where I work and live, but the next day after leaving home, I start to miss home again.
We are always like this, in the ups and downs of life, we always don't know what to one day, you will understand what Schopenhauer said, that a person's life is like a pendulum, which swings back and forth between boredom and pain every day, and its driving force is there are all kinds of desires in my heart, I pursue and approach one goal after another. When the goal is difficult to achieve, I feel overwhelmed with the goal is at your fingertips, you will feel bored in the world is probably like this.
It is said that in the new year, there must be a new don't know how I should start my new life in used to lie on the credit book of my past, fascinated by the glory of the also burned the ideal in my heart to explore every new movement in now, I don't know what to say. I am obviously uneasy about the status quo, but I am powerless to change want to change, but it is difficult to let 's like a job, one obviously doesn't like it, and even hates it, but it's hard to give up the comfort that this job can bring to 's like BJ, knowing that being here is not a long-term solution, but it is difficult to give up the high salary 's like one person, you both know the final result, but it's hard to let go of the deep-rooted relationship, and you can only cry in the end, hey, boo.
Because there are too many concerns, it is difficult to I couldn't bear to refuse, I was in a 's change and growth will eventually go through of whether the pain is caused by you or by others, whether it is a natural or man-made disaster, or untimely, or whether it is destined or forced by the current situation, these seem to be necessary in your life. You have to go through the robbery, because only after the robbery can you be reborn.
Although I am in BJ now, Kexin has nowhere to rest. BJ is so big, why can't he let go of my heart?Where is the once hot heart now?Are you still staying at home?Eager to accompany mother, stay in the gentle it in someone's heart?I miss the kindness people have treated me in the past, and I can't let flew into the distance?Went to a new city where it might have a place to live.
I can't help but think of what my mother said to me a few days ago, she said: I am old, already over 50 years old, I hope you will start a family early, get married and have children a few years, I am afraid that I will be too old, and I will not even be able to take care of my grandson in the I hear my mother's words, I feel very sad in my heart, and I am also eager to fulfill my mother's wish as soon as possible, which seems to be more important than anything there are thousands of people in the world, and there are also thousands of wishes. Some people want love, some people want family, some people want wealth, and some people want to realize their dreams.
But now, I seem to have gotten nothing, and all my wishes are ambiguous and unfulfilled.
I know that my life has fallen into a trough now, and no one can save alone have to bear the loneliness and loneliness of the next few days, the baptism of water and fire brought to me by the reality of being 31 years old, and the radical and reckless decisions that God made to me who was once lonely. Punishment, bear the difficult choice to change this unchanging life, endure your own psychological gap and the troubles that are coming one after another, and only then can you be reborn from Nirvana and slowly heal a result, when the spring is warm and the flowers are blooming, the serious illness is cured.
The new year is about to start again, and January 2023 is coming to an are still eleven months left, let us rewrite our destiny for this has been nearly eight years since I graduated and came to BJ in June 2015. During these eight years, I have experienced too many hardships and changes in relationships and now, I seem to know that those opponents who can't kill you will make you long as a person does not die, there will always be a bright day, no matter how long the night is, there will always be dawn.
For me, this year may be a new turning point in my next life, because this year, I will end all my past life and start to embark on a long journey.
Liu Haifeng
Monday, August 2023, 1
Yu BJ
(End of this chapter)
